People make jokes about sending their parents to “the home” but when it is truly time to have the talk, it is no joking matter. It can be difficult and at times contentious, when your parents are getting to the point where it is no longer safe for them to live alone. You may have been putting it off but moving elderly parents will take a series of conversations. Is it time to have the talk?
Now is the Time to Start the Conversation
The absolute worst thing you can do for both you and your parents is to wait until there is no other choice to start the conversation. When should you have the talk? Right now actually. You need to begin the conversation as your parents begin to get on in years.
When you wait until after they’ve had a stroke or hip replacement surgery has left them handicapped, it could be too much change too fast, and they’ll resist. Or worse, they may not have the capacity anymore to make decisions for themselves.
In fact, most adult children of elderly parents wait until there is a crisis before they begin thinking about assisted living. Moving elderly parents requires a lot of groundwork, and you should start laying that groundwork now.
Be Prepared to Face Some Resistance
One of the hardest parts, perhaps the hardest part, of having the talk is the resistance that you will likely face. Your parents who have raised you and have been the authority figure over you your whole life are now forced to let you make decisions for them and to do things that they just do not want to do – like sell their home and move into an assisted living facility.
Be prepared to face some resistance. The sooner you begin having the conversation, the more at ease with the subject they’ll be when the time comes to move them to a nursing home.
Frame the Conversation the Right Way
Communication is not a strong point for anyone in this situation. Just bringing the topic up is hard enough. You can help ease them into the conversation by framing it the right way. For instance, instead of telling them what they need to do, ask them, “How should we go about coming up with a solution for all of us?”
Remember, most resistance is due to your elderly parents’ loss of independence and control. Frame the conversation so that they know that you want to help them make the best decision not control their lives.
Talk Honestly about their Abilities or Lack Thereof
If you have tried to get them involved and they refuse to even entertain the conversation, you may have to bring out the big guns. It may be hard for you to say it, but you may need to just spell out the reasons why you are concerned and feel that an assisted living facility is the best route
You may even have to have your parent’s doctor help you convince them that this is the right move. Try not to focus on yourself as a reason for moving your parents into assisted living. But it is fair to impress upon them that you are trying to help figure out the best way financially forward for both you and your parents.
Show them Facilities that They’ll Like
If you’ve tried all of the above, you may have to entice them by showing them facilities that they will like. At Unlimited Care Cottages we give our patients as much of a feeling of independent living as possible. They have their own personal care cottages with professional medical care on-site.
Are you thinking about moving elderly parents to an assisted living facility? Come by today to take a look at one of our personal care cottages. For more information contact us at Unlimited Care Cottages.